I have been having difficulty with my mental illness for the past ten months. Recently I have been having mixed episodes. Mixed episodes in bipolar is where you can experience a depressive mood like have no energy that you can hardly function. However at the same time, you can be experiencing manic symptoms of impulsive behavior. I have really been struggling with the daily changes in my moods and it can be exhausting. It is easy to wonder if this is in God’s plan for me.
I believe that God has a plan for me and that includes me having bipolar. The bipolar does make life a little more challenging and I might have to work harder at some things than other people. But I still have a God-given plan.
Yes it is difficult to focus on God’s plan for your life when you are having to manage moods that are always shifting when you do not know when they will change. However, I have not been using the power of the Holy Spirit that is within me to my advantage. I am a believer in Jesus Christ, the Son of God. Therefore, I have His same Spirit residing in me. Don’t get me wrong, I have been praying these past ten months. I just think that maybe I was praying the wrong prayers or I was not doing my part.
During this period of time, I would experience waves of depression and waves of mania. When I was depressed, I would succumb to the mental illness and not try to do anything about the depression. I would just roll over and wallow in my depression. All of the tools of recovery I had been taught or read, I ignored. Because of this attitude toward my recovery, I neglected the plan God had given to me.
This reminds me of one of my favorite New Testaments Christians, Paul. He was given a specific plan, share the good news of Jesus. He did this even though he was persecuted, beaten, imprisoned and misunderstood and sometimes he faced death. He had one goal in mind and that was fulfilling the Father’s plan.
I want an attitude like Paul. I want to look beyond my circumstances and see only God’s plan. I know that my circumstances are nowhere near as difficult as his. If he can share the gospel while being in prison, I can share the gospel while being in a mental illness prison.
You too can fulfill God’s plan for your life. Do you know what it is? Have you discussed this with your Heavenly Father? Maybe you need to sit down with Him and talk it out. Maybe He is calling you to remove the distractions of your situations so you can serve Him. I would love to know what you found out from your talk with God. Email me at [email protected].