The post Bipolar Disorder Warriors and the Weapons They Use in Battle appeared first on Life Conquering Blog.
]]>“I fight for my health every day in a way most people don’t understand. I’m not lazy. I’m a warrior.” – HealthyPlace.com
If you have bipolar disorder or any other affliction you can consider yourself a warrior. Type in the Comments section the diagnosis of an ailment, physical or mental affliction that you battle every day.
You might have a speech impediment, cancer, Tourettes Syndrome, anxiety, Lou Gehrig’s Disease or any of the numerous monsters I didn’t mention, you are a warrior. You become a force to be reckoned with the moment you say “(insert your illness)” will not get the best of me”! Of all the mental and physical ailments we have in this world, no matter your story, these monsters are extremely difficult to overcome. And just getting out of bed, taking one step at a time, breathing in and out, YOU ARE A WARRIOR.
Speaking as one of the brave Bipolar Disorder Warriors, I know if I go into battle, I must be prepared. As a warrior, I need the right weapons in order to pull myself out of the pit of despair when I am depressed; keep the argument with my boss from growing into a full-blown manic episode; or letting my proper sleep hygiene disappear among the stars.
In this blog post, I am going to introduce the number one weapon I use as a Bipolar Disorder Warrior. That weapon is prayer.
“Suffering provides the gym equipment on which my faith can be exercised.” – Joni Eareckson Tada
If you are a Christian, there are several weapons that you could use in the midst of the battle. Remember the Armor of God? My favorite weapon I like to go to, over and over and over again, is prayer. Some of my most challenging fights have been won with the battle implement prayer. Prayer taught me just how much I didn’t know about anything and especially just how much I am unfit for the battle. Prayer directs me to the Source of Power. That is why I pray to the One who knows everything and is Most Powerful, too.
I have been a Christian longer than I have had bipolar disorder. When I received the bipolar diagnosis 11 years after the symptoms surfaced, I had no idea how to respond as a Christian. Even though there is a history of mental illness on both sides of my family, that subject was never brought up at birthday parties or during the giving of gifts at Christmas. But that didn’t matter due to the fact the Christian exposure I received at church as a child, once maybe three times or more a week, actually helped me when I was in compromising situations or when I have suicidal ideations.
I do not always believe I measure up as a Bipolar Disorder Warrior. I bet some of you think that way, too.
In the midst of the roller coaster of moods, OCD, ADHD, and severe anxiety, I always expect for the warrior feeling to show up. And of course I should expect to feel like a warrior. God made me. He knitted me together in my mother’s womb. He knows the number of hairs on my head. And those statements above are facts from the Bible, let yourself believe.
Sometimes the belief in my prayers is likened to a direct line (without any busy signals) to the Creator of the Universe. Other times, because I am human, I feel all I will get are busy signals or the voicemail. I know from years of seeing God work that He will give me an answer in due time. Whether it is yes, no, maybe, wait awhile, God will answer us in His perfect timing.
When God turns me around to stand in front of His holy mirror, I see myself as He sees me. Standing in front of God’s mirror, I feel immersed in all of God’s power and strength. I also feel loved. There are no personal judgements glaring at me. I feel peace like none other before. When I see myself the way God sees me, I become that warrior, yes, even the warrior with bipolar 1 including psychotic features, one who will walk tall and shout loudly to share God’s love for a mentally ill middle-aged woman.
At that point is when I know I am ready to face any problem inside my head or out. The Bible says when I am weak, God is strong. He will fight for me. God will give me whatever signals I need to make prayer the first thing I reach for when the challenges begin!
What is the first thing you reach for when in the middle of a challenge mentally or physically? Write your answers in the Comments section below.
Share about a time when you felt like a Warrior. How does it feel to be a Warrior? How do you conjure up those warrior feelings when the going gets tough? Put your answers in the comment section below or email me at [email protected].
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/faith/faith-in-life/prayer/prayer
https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/prayer/
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]]>The post Twelve bipolar GIF’s appeared first on Life Conquering Blog.
]]>Step out when you are ready to encourage others with your story. Reach out to safe places such as the local chapter of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance in your hometown or state. There you can share your journey with mental illness.
Oh, how I wish I could control my moods that way! I will never be depressed in the morning or the afternoon or evening. Or when it is raining. Or when my husband goes to work. My racing thoughts would shut up when I go to bed, get a massage or get a shower or bubble bath. I will have just the right amount of mania to help me tackle the cleaning. Or to have it when I am at the grocery store so I can get out of there fast.
You get what you get. Manic, hypomanic or depressed.
Bipolar is a brain disorder, too. I am incapable of stopping or starting the bipolar roller coaster that is going on inside my head. The chemicals in my brain fire or do not fire due to bipolar. I take medicine to help push or pull my brain in the right direction so I can function.
2. This is a pretty good illustration of my bipolar moods every day. It is rare that I would go a day without my moods shifting in any direction. As you see in the cell phone GIF, this represents just how quickly my moods can change.
Just recently, I spoke with a woman who has bipolar, too. She was explaining how long she goes between episodes. “Wow! Good for her!” I thought. For me,I have ultradian cycling most of the day or mixed episodes. This basically means my moods change a bunch.
3. This is what it looks like in my mind during a manic episode. I am constantly thinking and talking to myself. The ideas are coming in like a meteor shower. I feel alive. Excited. I can climb Mt. Everest by myself. I am signing up for all kinds of opportunities without any time to dedicate to them. Buying all kinds of shoes and purses. And talking to people who I have been avoiding for months.
4. Sometimes, I act out at the grocery store when I am manic-y with rage. It does’t take much. I may be standing in a mile-long line, the person in front of me is not going fast enough, the item I want to purchase is not available or the aisle I want to enter has a shopping cart jam. Sometimes words actually come out. In the state of mood I am in, I do not care it I am heard. And sometimes they are all trapped in my mind, unable to scream out due to prayer. Yes! Prayer. Needless to say, I do a lot of praying while at the grocery. .
5. This is me when my thoughts flow easily and are also coherent and organized when I am writing. They basically make sense, I am creative with boundless energy. I can stay up all night writing. I feel young again. I am a writing scholar. Dreams and delusions flood my mind about the present and the future.
6. This describes the sum of the various parts of my mind and body when I am in an ultradian cycle. I tend to flip-flop between each pole. The frequency of which the moods change could happen in months, years, weeks, days or hours. I have managed to switch from depression to mania in mere seconds multiple times. Tears falling from my eyes,staining my cheeks. At the same time, I am laughing like I’m mad. It scared the shit out of my husband. Now that says a lot, because he is a real tough guy.
7. This is when I cannot write PERIOD. I cannot form sentences, paragraphs – not to mention thoughts or ideas! This is happening a great deal lately. I started drafts of about six or more blog posts from the beginning of February up until now. NONE of the drafts have been completed and published. Today, I was depressed most of the day and it has taken me all day long to work on a post. It still will not be finished in time to publish. The depression always stunts the growth of the creativity.
8. When I have a bipolar road rage moment, I sound my horn, loudly and proudly. That is really as far as it goes in the real world. Now I might drive more aggressively to my destination, let the incident stew in my head and even tell my husband with grandeur what happened once he gets home from work. I’m so glad brains are private and horns are loud.
9. This is me when I am in a mixed episode. During a mixed episode, you experience both mania and depression at the same time. Whenever I am mixed, I cannot make up my mind what I want to do because both poles are tugging at me What I usually do in a mixed state is just sit there and stare into nothing.
10. This is my psychotic brain everyday. Hallucinations in all five senses.
Delusions that never go away. Paranoid in my own house and outside my house. I do not like going to bed for fear of what will be done to me. And I had a psychotic break.
11. GIF’s of people who have bipolar. They look just like all the other people around them. They are moms, dads, brothers, sisters, painters, teachers, doctors, chefs, actresses, pastors, secretaries, judges, counselors, you name it.
https://giphy.com/explore/bipolar-happiness
https://giphy.com/search/bipolar-road-rage
https://giphy.com/search/bipolar-laptop-rage
https://giphy.com/search/bipolar-psychotic
https://giphy.com/explore/carrie-fisher
https://giphy.com/search/bipolar
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]]>The post Bipolar Roller Coaster – A Not-so-Lonely Ride appeared first on Life Conquering Blog.
]]>Every day is an up and down; up, up, up; down, down, down; or a twist and turn on a mental ride I call the bipolar roller coaster. I ride the ups of the roller coaster when I fight the risky urges of mania. The downs of the roller coaster bring me to my knees when simple chores around the house become too overwhelming for me. The twists and turns of the mental illness makes me lonely when I shy away from people in the community or even my church.
It dawned on me that since I am a Christian, I have the Holy Spirit living inside me. When Christ left this earth, He promised His Holy Spirit would come and dwell inside us for all eternity. Now, I have always known I have the Holy Spirit inside me since my decision to become a Christian at 9 years old. But this fact took on a whole new meaning in light of my endless bipolar rides. I thought to myself, the Holy Spirit is coming along for each and every ride? The Holy Spirit answered within me a resounding “Yes!”
In the midst of my mental illness, I spend a lot of time feeling alone. My husband is getting so much better at knowing what to say or do in my time of grief just by being patient with me. It hasn’t been perfect, but we are slowly getting there.
My husband could never fully comprehend what it is like to spend a day trapped on my bipolar rollercoaster. Actually, I do not want him to know what it is like. I wouldn’t wish this madness on my worst enemy. It is a living nightmare never knowing what mood is going to engulf you from one minute to the next and having absolutely no control over it. Then you have to ride it out until the next mood comes along.
Realizing the Holy Spirit is with me through every stomach churning hill on my bipolar rollercoaster, I do not feel so alone. I can pray to God knowing His Holy Spirit is camped out in my heart. Sometimes I do not know what to say because my head is so out-of-focus or is experiencing rapid thoughts. The Bible says the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groanings (Romans 8:26). That gives me great comfort knowing that He will go to God on my behalf and cry for me with the perfect words my heart is trying to say.
The next time you feel alone whether you are going through a divorce, loss of a baby, lost a job, empty nest syndrome or had an automobile accident, realize you have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside you if you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Reach out to Him. Depending upon your translation, John 14:26 calls the Holy Spirit an Advocate, Helper, Comforter or Counselor. Let the Holy Spirit come and cry to God for you.
My Comforter has helped me in my loneliness a multitude of times. He will do the same for you. He is also there when I am angry with rage, impatient, waiting for a test result, having relationship issues, a clog in the creativity drainpipe, or when the money is low. Trust in Him. Believe in His presence. God gave us the Holy Spirit so we may have His spirit within us on earth.
Do you have the Holy Spirit living inside you right now? If you do, great! Teach someone else about Him. If you do not, then I want to reach out to you. Please email me at [email protected]. I would love to speak with you and guide you to Jesus. You may also want to look at some of the Going Further websites.
https://www.christianitytoday.com/iyf/advice/faithdoubt/what-does-holy-spirit-do.html
http://www.ligonier.org/blog/five-truths-about-holy-spirit/
https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/holy-spirit-bible-verses/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPPMSfCdUng
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]]>The post Bipolar Writer MIA Again appeared first on Life Conquering Blog.
]]>I apologize that it has been so long since I posted on my blog for bipolar and other mental illnesses. My time has been divided between bipolar episodes and writing.
I have to say it up front, I will continue to have periods of no contact with the blog. I have bipolar 1 which is a huge cycle. And now have new writing assignments that wake me up in the middle of the night or keep me up late.
My bipolar cycle shuts down any and all writing. The cycles are mainly monthly. It is almost like “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray starring in it as a pompous meteorologist. Just like Bill Murray experiencing the same day over and over again, I experience the same symptoms every month at the same time.
I have mood swings every day where I hang out on the manic side of the spectrum. There are certain periods during the month that I am a bitch. Plain and simple. Rage rises up within me and I am like a volcano waiting to explode. It takes praying to God to keep me from going off the deep end. Without Him by my side, there would be holes in the walls, a wrecked SUV, a broken marriage and me in jail.
My hallucinations cycle through every month as well. I had a hallucination that woke me up the other night. Voices from a large group bled through our neighbor’s wall into my bedroom.
Over the past couple months, I have been invited to be a guest blogger or simply write articles. I have been hired by Blasting News! I did not write about mental health. Nope! I wrote a 2,000 word review on DWTS. It was a great exercise in researching and writing for a different audience. The assignment really stretched me as a writer.
I am also preparing a piece for Psych Central. They have a blog site as well as a library on-line. My plan is that I will send material for both.
I need prayers for this next blog called Healthy Place. Friday, I submitted my third article. The first two were rejected. Please pray that the decision makers will see the potential in my writing and the impact it would make on their readers. Thanks!
Now those three above are paid websites. I have a number of nonpaying websites that I am submitting to also. And there are many more paying websites and magazines to write for.
I applied to be a conference speaker at a mental illness conference summer 2018. Pray for God’s will.
Thank you for your patience,
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]]>The post My Anxiety diminished by Prayer appeared first on Life Conquering Blog.
]]>I deal with it on an ongoing basis due to my generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). The triggers are varied and come often. My morning could be going great then one of my triggers will set it off like a match to a pile of dry timber.
To help soothe the smoldering embers of raw nerves in stressful situations, I have discovered the effectiveness of prayer. However, my prayers in the beginning were not always the right tone. When I would begin to feel anxious at work, I would pray for relief for my nerves. My prayers to God would sound like this, “God please make this day go by faster”. “Please make the weekend get here quickly.” “Lord, please let my boss’ schedule keep him from coming into the office this afternoon.”
These prayers never worked. The prayers failed because they did not address the real issue. I needed to go down deeper to the heart of the matter instead of just scratching the surface. What I was saying to God with my prayers was I know I have anxiety, but I do not want to face my fear of failure. If I go to work, I will have to face my fear. I just want to stay at home in bed and pull the covers over my head and shut the anxiety out.
One morning as I was pulling into the parking lot at work, I was getting ready to pray one of my typical “Let my boss be late this morning” prayers, when God spoke gently to my heart through His Holy Spirit. He said that He knew I was anxious about my fear of failure. He knew that I have battled this fear for all my life.
In that moment, He showed me that my approach to my fear was all wrong. I was running away from my fear and not facing it head on with the strength of the Creator God. I needed to open my eyes and my heart and see that I was not alone in my fight against this fear of failure. He showed me that I didn’t need to pray for Him to take me out of the situations that created fear, but to invite Him into the battle and allow Him to fight for me.
Once my prayers grew up, I began to pray, “Lord, let me sense your presence in a huge way in the midst of my anxiety during this situation”. When I prayed that prayer, He showed up, and I felt His presence. He didn’t always dowse my fear inferno. What He did do was walk with me through the anxiety blaze. The greater the heat, the greater I felt His presence.
When the anxiety flames burn high, I turn to Isaiah 41:13, “For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear; I will help you.” Actually, I have this verse typed out on an index card and posted at my desk at work in two different places so it is always visible to me.
This verse has been my touchstone whenever I feel the anxiety heat up for me at work. I now know when I get anxious, whatever the situation, I do not have to fear; I can count on God to help me through the anxiety.
The Lord will fight for you, you just need to be still. Exodus 14:14
Do you have anxiety? What tools do you use to get through the fear? Do they work? Leave your comments in the section below or you may email me at [email protected].
My Call To Action for you is to go to my website Life Conquering and like my web site. Also, if you have never prayed, try praying to Him. Use the prayer I used in the blog. Or all you have to do is say “Help me, God!” And He is there quicker than you can say anxiety.
http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20646990,00.html
http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/anxiety-disorders#1
https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/anxiety
https://lifeconquering.org/anxiety-fools-brain-direct/
[i] https://adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics
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]]>The post A Bipolar Interviewee is as Funny as a Surfer Transplanted to Alaska appeared first on Life Conquering Blog.
]]>This Bipolar Interviewee scheduled an interview with a law firm for yesterday afternoon. Trying to find a job is not the time to break down and have a freak show. Since the weekend, I have been feeling depressed because my psychiatrist took me off my Prozac. Duh! I could have told him four weeks ago when he told me to tapper off that I needed the anti-depressant. So, I have depression hanging over me like a dark cloud. Will this affect the interview?
With the Prozac slowly getting back into my body, the depression was not as exhausting the day of the interview. I was really interested in this job. The job reminded me a lot of my former job. It was a legal assistant/office manager position at a law firm 17 minutes from my house. But something just was not right for this Bipolar Interviewee.
I was getting ready that afternoon when my body started shaking all over like an autumn leaf in the October winds. My arms, my hands and even my legs were shaking. Then my stomach began to feel icky.
I took a moment out and prayed. I prayed for wisdom to know if I should go on the interview or cancel. I prayed for peace. I hashed it out with God about the reasons for a Bipolar Interviewee to try for a job that nearly landed me in a mental hospital four weeks ago. The only one I came up with was it advertised good money. Before I even revealed the reason, I knew it was hardly a reason at all.
Once I made my decision to cancel the interview, I called the office and let them know. As I was sitting on my couch flanked by my two cheerleaders in fur and a wagging tail, I thought about the job and some obvious reasons why I should not have made arrangements for an interview in the first place. 1. Too stressful. 2. Leads to problems with physical and mental health. 3. No paycheck is worth my sanity or health. 4. Commute across a toll bridge. 5. A lot of paycheck would go to tolls and gas.
Email me about a time when God was trying to speak to you through your health, another person, a sermon, etc. Email me at [email protected].
http://www.crosswalk.com/faith/spiritual-life/8-ways-god-speaks-to-us-today.html
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]]>The post Bipolar Roller Coaster: Nineteen Jobs since College appeared first on Life Conquering Blog.
]]>Today is day five after quitting my nineteenth job since college. When I was in my twenties, single and on the bipolar roller coaster, I quit a lot of jobs simply because I liked the risks involved and did not care about the consequences. My mental illness created a thrill for job hopping, lust for the challenge of conquering an interview and the excitement of starting all over again. However, as I look back at the jobs I had as a paralegal and a middle school teacher, my decisions to quit were not out of thrill seeking. I was leaving those careers so I could take care of my mental and physical health.
I have had mixed responses recently when I told people I have bipolar. I get that. Normal people do not think mentally ill people are “normal looking”.
To keep me somewhat stable, of course I am on a medicine cabinet full of pills. I also see my psychiatrist and psychologist on a regular basis. I am so blessed to have the Holy Spirit within me. One of His fruit is self-control. If I did not have the Holy Spirit, I would probably be divorced, homeless or in jail. THANK YOU GOD FOR YOUR GRACE!
I really want to be a freelance writer. I want to continue my mission with Life Conquering full time. Life Conquering exists to encourage people with a mental illness through my journey as well as teach others about mental illnesses and to tear down the walls of stigma.
Send me an email describing a time when the Holy Spirit helped you be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, gentle or self-controlled. Email me at [email protected].
http://ibpf.org/blog/finding-work-works-when-you-have-bipolar-disorder
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Galatians+5:22-23
http://www.allaboutgod.com/fruit-of-the-spirit.htm
Life Conquering Ministries Debuts at Southeast Christian Church Southwest Campus
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]]>The post A Two-Way Prayer Opens Up Conversation with Jesus appeared first on Life Conquering Blog.
]]>It is no secret that prayer is very important to me in managing my bipolar. Anxiety washes over me like a tsunami, I pray to God. Anger reaches its boiling point and I reach out to the Prince of Peace. Depression drags me deep into the valley, I look to Jesus to be my Shepherd through the dark.
I am really good with those prayers that are spoken in the heat of the battle. What happens is my prayer life ends up being a one-way conversation with God. There is absolutely no problem with this way of praying. However, I try to incorporate different types of prayers in my day in order to grow closer to Him.
But what about having a two-way conversation with God? This is where you do less talking and more listening.
Pick a time during the day that you are most alert and focused. Also, you need to find a location that is free from distractions.
These are just a few of my favorite ways to have a two-way conversation with Jesus.
Email me at [email protected] and describe your prayer life and any ways that you use to help you pray..
https://www.biblegateway.com/resources/scripture-engagement/praying-scripture/home
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]]>The post Life Conquering Ministries Debuts at Southeast Christian Church Southwest Campus appeared first on Life Conquering Blog.
]]>On Saturday, April 22, 2017, from 10:30-12:30 the Southwest Campus Women’s Ministry hosted “Pinterest and Popcorn”. The event had a number of booths with an eclectic tapestry of ideas and topics. There were craft stations, fudge samples, homemade jewelry and even a live chicken! Life Conquering Ministries set up a booth, too.
I eagerly accepted a position as booth presenter. The morning of the event, I packed up the laptop, copies of my first published article, a bag of Life Savers candy and tickets for a giveaway. I had a chance to speak to at least 70 different women about how Jesus is my life saver in the hell of my bipolar 1.
I was so blessed to meet so many beautiful women. Even more amazing is how many women opened up once I said “I have bipolar 1”. I was not prepared to meet women who said “I have had depression for over 20 years” or “My husband has anxiety” or “My neighbor’s niece has bipolar”. I was blown away at the number of women who were touched in some way by mental illness and felt like I did – people need to be educated and the stigma needs to vanish AND JESUS IS OUR LIFE SAVER!
From Saturday’s first successful experience presenting Life Conquering, I am even more determined to get the word out about this ministry. If you know of a group, men or women or young or old who could use some encouragement, please contact me. My main story might be bipolar 1, your story might be abuse, divorce, adoption, failure, greed, lying…it doesn’t matter what your story is, the answer is all the same – JESUS!
If you have an event scheduled, where God could work through Life Conquering to share His love, contact met, I would love to share the truth of God’s Word with any group.
Here is a recording of Jennifer Choate, Southwest Women’s Ministry Leader who shows observers the activities going on at the PInterest and Popcorn Event at Southeast Christian Church Southwest Campus.
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10213194520121669&id=1355594992
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]]>The post Facing Giants with God Substitutes appeared first on Life Conquering Blog.
]]>When difficulties come your way, do you rely on your family, friends, money, career or health? Or is there something else? These things are not inherently bad. However, if we look to these God Substitutes to support us in the only way God can, then these things could be detrimental to us spiritually. If we look to these God Substitutes to fulfill His role in our lives, we can have a false sense of hope and security. Only God can meet all our needs (Philippians 4:19).
I have used my career as a God Substitute. When the loneliness of singleness cast a giant-size shadow on areas of my life, I looked to my career to fill the void. I threw myself into my job, working long hours as well as yearning for the approval of supervisors and peers to feed the hungry giant of isolation. Those feeble attempts to satisfy the giant craving of my hungry soul fell short in the end. I needed God instead of the God Substitute.
When David was just a shepherd boy, he faced his own giant. Instead of trying to fight Goliath by using God Substitutes, He chose to fight the giant with God on his side (1 Samuel Chapter 17). “David said to the Philistine, ‘You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty…’” (1 Samuel 17:45). We know the rest of the story, with David’s God, David slew the giant with one stone flung from his sling.
When David wrote Psalm 20:7, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God”, I wonder if David was thinking of that day on the battlefield when, with God, he defeated Goliath instead of using the God Substitutes of a sword and armor?
Sometimes we chose to face our giant-size issues by substituting other things and people for God. It is a quick fix but with no long term benefits. Only God can help us face our giants, whatever they may be: a troubled teenager, a bad report from the doctor, another lonely night. If God can defeat David’s giant with just one stone, God can take care of whatever overwhelming issue you may have. Go to Him instead of your God Substitutes.
If you have any experiences with God Substitutes, I would love to hear about them and how you overcame the situation. Email me at [email protected].
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/faith/faith-in-life/prayer/prayer
http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/prayer-for-beginners
https://www.biblegateway.com/resources/scripture-engagement/praying-scripture/home
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