Some of us reading that title cringe for multiple reasons. The word anger congers up a mixed bag of feelings that go with specific memories. One might cringe because they have been on the receiving end of someone’s anger and have felt like a punching bag. Or, they have mixed feelings about their behavior while leading the firing squad. We have all experienced anger to some degree at some time in our lives.
I have had times of rage as part of my bipolar numerous times. I have busted a hole in my muffler because I mashed on the gas so hard due to a rage. One time I was receiving very poor service at a restaurant. I had been waiting a long time for my take-out order and my blood was beginning to boil. I couldn’t wait any longer. The rage came up from deep within and the next thing I knew, I opened my mouth and let everyone within ear-shot know just what I thought of the poor service. The entire kitchen and patrons dining in the restaurant knew I was displeased.
It was weird because it felt as if my mouth and my brain were disengaged from one another. It was almost like an out-of-body experience. Some of you who have experienced bipolar rage or just plain anger, will know exactly what I am talking about. My husband and I joke that I was kicked out of that restaurant when in all reality, I haven’t. I just know that if I dawned their doorstep, it would probably be awkward.
But you know deep down inside, that display of rage was mere child’s play compared to what I could have been. Many factors played into me keeping a lid on the pressure cooker brewing inside. First of all, I am on a hefty amount of meds. I try to take my medicine at the same time every day. This helps to keep the levels of the chemicals somewhat stable. It is not perfect. I have bipolar 1 with psychotic features. I will always struggle with the mood fluctuations.
The second factor which keeps me from going ape-shit crazy is my relationship with Jesus. He is my peace. He is my anchor in the storms of bipolar moodiness. I have walked a long road to be where I am. I have a lot of baggage and a lot of scars. He looks at me, does not judge me and still He loves me unconditionally. If this isn’t the Jesus you know, then we HAVE to talk. You know the completely wrong Jesus. Message me on Facebook or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I would love to talk to you about my Jesus.
Here are some more references to anger.