Bipolar depression and Adult AD/HD can be difficult to deal with. Bipolar Depression places you in a pool of uncertainty, lifelessness and apathy. As I type this blog post,the enemy, lifelessness, is slowing my productivity to a snail’s pace. I take turns typing something hopefully understandable and starring at the screen. As for the Adult AD/HD, my focus is as steady as the wind. Some days, I get absolutely nothing done because my attention to my projects are short lived.
Have you ever experienced that sinking feeling between your esophagus and the pit of your stomach when you take a ride on a roller coaster? That punch to the gut as the roller coaster descends at lighting speed from the apex of the crooked steel girders is what I usually feel when a bipolar depression moves in.
The extra fun I have with bipolar depression, is my psychotic episodes. Usually I experience auditory hallucinations. I hear people talking, male and female. Radios play unidentifiable tunes that drive me batty. Visual hallucinations are also common for me. For instance, I will see people or my pets in places they shouldn’t be. My favorite are the paranoid delusions. I believe someone is out to get me, my heart beats out of my chest and I refuse to go upstairs.
My plans today were laid out like a preschooler’s clothes on the first day of school. Early this morning, I designed a “fool-proof” editoral calendar. An editorial calendar is a calendar where an author plans either by the month, week, day or hour the writing projects he/she will work on at a given time. The author might set word count goals for their book, blog post goals for the week, article topics to begin a rough draft or wrap up and even work on marketing.
My editorial calendar was “fool-proof” because I had all my major projects listed even with time to read, research and study. I should be able to look at the clock and say it is 11:00 a.m. on a Tuesday therefore, this is the time that I work on articles. But my lovely AD/HD kicked in and I jumped from sending emails to Facebook to Linkedin to deleting batches of emails to checking Google Analytics to writing a blog to adding things to my blog site.
As soon as I (you think I’ll say “got bored”) I jumped to the next shiny object. That isn’t the case for me and my Adult AD/HD. I have difficulty staying focused for a long period of time. Just yesterday evening my husband was talking to me about one of his hobbies. I did find it interesting. But as he talked on, my focus was slipping.
When this happens, I feel helpless to put blinders around my eyes and sharpen my focus. I’ve been at a desk job working on a document and have the humongous need to stop and do something else. My boss didn’t allow for that. He wanted me to start a task and carry it out to completion. That is not how I operate.
Winning the battle with bipolar depression and adult AD/HD
Some symptoms I can feel at the very beginning and thus able to manage myself against the harsh effects of bipolar depression and adult AD/HD. For instance, today I felt that sinking feeling which always means a slide down, down, down. I was able to catch the bipolar depression at the beginning and start practicing coping mechanisms to get through the episode.
Adult AD/HD is completely different. I do not see that one coming at all. It hits me over the head and I’m smack dab in the middle of it before I know it. But, that is okay. I have to learn to slow my motor down and pick one thing that I want to focus on for the next period of time. Notice, I did not even put myself in a box by designating how long it should take me to complete my writing task. I am learning that my life has to be open ended in order for me to cope with my bipolar disorder. That is a BIG change for me since in my younger days I was Ms. Control Freak. I am glad I am no longer her and I’m relatively more relaxed.