Bipolar Depression – Life Conquering Blog https://lifeconquering.org Conquering Bipolar with Jesus Wed, 10 Apr 2019 14:47:40 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.1.1 https://lifeconquering.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/cropped-Basic-Square-Text-2-32x32.png Bipolar Depression – Life Conquering Blog https://lifeconquering.org 32 32 How to Survive a Crash between Bipolar Disorder and Physical Illness https://lifeconquering.org/bipolar-disorder-and-physical-illness/ Fri, 14 Dec 2018 03:10:50 +0000 https://lifeconquering.org/?p=2669 Bipolar Disorder and Physical Illness

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Bipolar disorder and physical illness collide inside my body on a quasi-regular basis.  They bring with them highly agitated symptoms from both sides.  The bickering that ensues between the pair is what takes my attention away from writing.  This last time I was sick, the laptop sat in a chair without the slightest touch of my fingers for weeks.

Bipolar disorder and physical illness
Bipolar disorder and physical illness

The combination of bipolar disorder and physical illnesse stir up a nasty concoction in me every time.  For example, depression and coughing collide while mania and fever slam into each other.  Or it could be insomnia butting heads with exhaustion.  You know the truth.  Bipolar or depression and everything in between are not going to take a vacation when you have laryngitis. 

The aftermath from the meeting of the two medical giants will generate lots of money shelled out at the pharmacy and a crick in the neck from sleeping on the couch for too long. 

Bipolar disorder and physical illness
Bipolar disorder and physical illness

Has this ever happened to you?  Yes?  Well, you are in good company.  I am the Queen of bipolar disorder and physical illness clashes.  Based on my experiences, I will give you some suggestions on how I survived the unwelcomed meet-up of the mental and the physical sides.

You can be a Survivor

When I come down with something which rubs against my mental illness symptoms in the wrong way, I usually fight hard against sleepingI lay awake staring at the ceiling.  I flip through the pages of a magazine.  I read a book I haven’t touched in months.  And of course, I play on my phone. 

Bipolar disorder and physical illness
Bipolar disorder and physical illness

During this entire time, the psychotropic meds sit defiantly untouched while I lay awake all night.  Over the years, I discovered two methods that helped me survive the battle between bipolar disorder and physical illness. 

Survivor Skill #1 – Get more sleep

When I feel under the weather, like with a cold, I get so tired that I practically collapse into bed from just laying around doing nothing all day. The truth is we all need sleep!  However, not everybody gets the right amount of shut-eye.  Below is the most up-to-date sleep data for the United States.

  • 50% to 80% of the patients in a regular American psychiatric office are sleep deprived;
  • Compare this to the 10% to 18% of adults in the general population who experience sleep deprivation; and finally
  • Sleep deprivation costs the US $411 billion annually.
Bipolar disorder and physical illness
Bipolar disorder and physical illness

Getting the correct amount of sleep for a mentally and physically well human being, each night is crucial.  If you throw in a mental illness as well as the flu into the mix, the stakes go up.  A sleep-deprived person (with any type of illness) driving a car is as impaired to get behind the wheel and stomp on the gas as a person who is driving drunk.  This is serious stuff!

The bottom line here is to create an environment that will promote healthy sleep.  This is what we call good sleep hygiene It’s important to establish this level of health in order to function properly throughout the day.

Bipolar disorder and physical illness
Bipolar disorder and physical illness

Appropriate sleep hygiene means the following:

  • Winding down before you get into the bed;
  • Having an set bedtime;
  • No interruptions during the night;
  • Getting enough sleep; and 
  • Waking up so that you feel rested

I am still attempting to achieve good consistent sleep hygiene. In the end, sleeping all the hours and minutes my body needs will, at the very least, assist me with decisions. 

These decisions could be determined by the following questions: “How many hours of sleep do I need to get?”, or “Should I take my prescribed medications while I am sick with a stomach virus?”

Bipolar disorder and physical illness
Bipolar disorder and physical illness

Survivor Skill #2 – Take your psychotropic medicine

Some of us have a tendency to skip our meds whether healthy or sick. I do take my medicine when I am well most of the time.  Although when I am physically sick, I often go down kicking and screaming because I do not want to take my regular psychiatric tablets. 

Bipolar disorder and physical illness
Bipolar disorder and physical illness

Here is what happens: My mind believes that my body’s mental health will carry on if I press pause on taking the remedy for my mental illness symptoms. With each passing hour to each passing day, my mental acuity tends to suffer greatly.

Bipolar disorder and physical illness
Bipolar disorder and physical illness

Every day, I experience varying levels of the following: short bouts odepression, psychosis, mania and little to no ability to stay focused to name a few. 

Bipolar disorder and physical illness
Bipolar disorder and physical illness

If you take the above symptoms and mix them up real good, give the potion an electric shock, then you will have my high alert bipolar symptoms while contending with a fever, mucus, muscle aches, congestion and pains.  Then if I stop taking any of my psychotropic medicines please add a triple shot to that espresso.  

Bipolar disorder and physical illness
Bipolar disorder and physical illness

But the thing is, when I take all of my meds, my depression is more easily handled by usual treatments.  The psychosis is still there, but it is back to its old pattern where I can better manage the paranoia and hallucinations.  The mania is deflated for now and tucked away in a drawer until another day.  And I can focus better than I did when I was not medicated.

Conclusion

I fulfilled my promise to you, my reader.  In this blog post, I told you that from my experiences, getting enough sleep and taking my daily meds are the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  These methods are used in order to ease up the time on the sidelines of life as well as the tough symptoms of bipolar and your sinus infection.  When I become physically ill while living with a mental illness, it can be a madhouse. 

Bipolar disorder and physical illness
Bipolar disorder and physical illness

Call to Action

Do you feel a triple dose of your symptoms happening to you whenever you experience mental illness episodes and physical sickness?  Please share how you got through that flu, stomach bug, sinus infection or cold.  You can either write a comment in the section below or send an email to me at [email protected].

References

References will be given upon individual requests.

Check us out on the web and become a FoLLOWER while you are there.

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Life Conquering Blog- Conquering Bipolar with Jesus
Life Conquering Blog- Conquering Bipolar with Jesus

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World Bipolar Day 2018 https://lifeconquering.org/world-bipolar-day/ Thu, 15 Mar 2018 22:27:14 +0000 https://lifeconquering.org/?p=2097 World Bipolar Day 2018 is next week on Friday, March 30, 2018.  It is celebrated each year on March 30th, since that happens to be the birthday of Vincent Van Gogh.  This famous artist was posthumously diagnosed as probably having...
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World Bipolar Day 2018 is next week on Friday, March 30, 2018.  It is celebrated each year on March 30th, since that happens to be the birthday of Vincent Van Gogh.  This famous artist was posthumously diagnosed as probably having bipolar disorder.  Bipolars all over the globe as well as their friends, family and co-workers will be celebrating World Bipolar Day 2018 as a way to bring information all over the world about bipolar disorder.  WBD also uses the 30th of March as a way of dismantling the stigma that comes along with this mood disorder.

World Bipolar Day 2018

World Bipolar Day 2018

Life Conquering Blog for Mental Health is aligned with WBD’s missionLife Conquering uses a blog and other social media sites to encourage people with a mental illness and to educate those without in order to tear down stigmas. If you have not stopped by Life Conquering Blog, here is the address: https://lifeconquering.org/.

I encourage all Life Conquering Blog followers as well as frequent visitors to participate in the celebration of World Bipolar Day 2018.  You may or may not know someone with bipolar.  Take this next week leading up to WBD to brainstorm ideas how you can make someone with bipolar be comfortable in their own skin and feel accepted in their environment.  Then again, you might have bipolar.  Think of some ways you could thank someone who has stood by your side and show them your appreciation.

World Bipolar Day 2018

World Bipolar Day 2018

Once you brainstorm some ideas, email me at lifeconquering@gmail.com and share with me your thoughts.  But don’t just think of something and not do it.  Step out of your comfort zone and MAKE A CHANGE FOR GOOD!

Below are some websites and blogs that you can share with your friends, family and co-workers.

References

http://www.worldbipolarday.org/

https://lifeconquering.org/

World Bipolar Day 2018

.

Is bipolar an excuse for bad behavior?

Bipolar Roller Coaster – A Not-so-Lonely Ride

Twelve bipolar GIF’s

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Twelve bipolar GIF’s https://lifeconquering.org/twelve-bipolar-gifs/ Tue, 06 Mar 2018 19:30:19 +0000 https://lifeconquering.org/?p=1957 These bipolar GIF’s are here to encourage people who have a mental illness.  I am showing you a window into my heart through these silly graphics.  You can look at these GIF’s which describe my bipolar 1 with psychotic features,...
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These bipolar GIF’s are here to encourage people who have a mental illness.  I am showing you a window into my heart through these silly graphics.  You can look at these GIF’s which describe my bipolar 1 with psychotic features, mixed episodes and ultradian rapid cycling and know you are not alone.

Step out when you are ready to encourage others with your story.  Reach out to safe places such as the local chapter of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance in your hometown or state.  There you can share your journey with mental illness.

12 Bipolar GIF’s

  1. My moods cannot be controlled as if scheduling them on a calendar.

Oh, how I wish I could control my moods that way!  I will never be depressed in the morning or the afternoon or evening.  Or when it is raining.  Or when my husband goes to work.  My racing thoughts would shut up when I go to bed, get a massage or get a shower or bubble bath.  I will have just the right amount of mania to help me tackle the cleaning. Or to have it when I am at the grocery store so I can get out of there fast.  

You get what you get.  Manic, hypomanic or depressed.

Bipolar is a brain disorder, too.  I am incapable of stopping or starting the bipolar roller coaster that is going on inside my head.  The chemicals in my brain fire or do not fire due to bipolar.  I take medicine to help push or pull my brain in the right direction so I can function.

 

 

2.  This is a pretty good illustration of my bipolar moods every day.  LINDA VAN BRUGGEN happy fun illustration sad GIFIt is rare that I would go a day without my moods shifting in any direction.  As you see in the cell phone GIF, this represents just how quickly my moods can change. 

Just recently, I spoke with a woman who has bipolar, too.  She was explaining how long she goes between episodes.  “Wow!  Good for her!” I thought.  For me,I have ultradian cycling most of the day or mixed episodes. This basically means my moods change a bunch.  

 

 

3.  This is what it looks like in my mind during a manic episode. I am   constantly thinking and talking to myself.  The ideas are coming in like a meteor shower.  I feel alive.  Excited.  I can climb Mt. Everest by myself.  I am signing up for all kinds of opportunities without any time to dedicate to them.  Buying all kinds of shoes and purses.  And talking to people who I have been avoiding for months.

 

 

4.  Sometimes, I act out at the grocery store when I am manic-y with rage.  It does’t take much.  I may be standing in a mile-long line, the person in front of me is not going fast enough, the item I want to purchase is not available or the aisle I want to enter has a shopping cart jam.  Sometimes words actually come out.  In the state of mood I am in, I do not care it I am heard.  And sometimes they are all trapped in my mind, unable to scream out due to prayer.  Yes!  Prayer.  Needless to say, I do a lot of praying while at the grocery.  .jennifer lawrence GIF

 

 

5.  This is me when my thoughts flow easily and are also coherent and organized when I am writing.  They basically make sense, I am creative with boundless energy. I can stay up all night writing.  I feel young again.  I am a writing scholar.  Dreams and delusions flood my mind about the present and the future.     

 

 

6.  This describes the sum of the various parts of my mind and body when I am in an ultradian cycle.  I tend to flip-flop between each pole.  The frequency of which the moods change could happen in months, years, weeks, days or hours.  I have managed to switch from depression to mania in mere seconds multiple times.  Tears falling from my eyes,staining my cheeks.  At the same time, I am laughing like I’m mad.  It scared the shit out of my husband.  Now that says a lot, because he is a real tough guy. Image result for GIFS for bipolar

 

 

7.  This is when I cannot write PERIOD.  I cannot form sentences, paragraphs – not to mention thoughts or ideas!  This is happening a great deal lately. I started drafts of about six or more blog posts from the beginning of February up until now.  NONE of the drafts have been completed and published.  Today, I was depressed most of the day and it has taken me all day long to work on a post.  It still will not be finished in time to publish.  The depression always stunts the growth of the creativity.  

 

 

8.  When I have a bipolar road rage moment, I sound my horn, loudly and proudly.  That is really as far as it goes in the real world. Now I might drive more aggressively to my destination, let the incident stew  in my head and even tell my husband with grandeur what happened once he gets home from work.  I’m so glad brains are private and horns are loud.  

 

 

9.  This is me when I am in a mixed episode.  During a mixed episode, you experience both mania and depression at the same time.  Whenever I am mixed, I cannot make up my mind what I want to do because both poles are tugging at me  What I usually do in a mixed state is just sit there and stare into nothing.  

 

 

10.  This is my psychotic brain everyday.  Hallucinations in all five senses.  

Delusions that never go away.  Paranoid in my own house and outside my house.  I do not like going to bed for fear of what will be done to me.  And I had a psychotic break.

 

 

11. GIF’s of people who have bipolar. They look just like all the other people around them.  They are moms, dads, brothers, sisters, painters, teachers, doctors, chefs, actresses, pastors, secretaries, judges, counselors, you name it.

Carrie Fisher

 

  Bradley Cooper

 Image result for Delonte West

Delonte West

 

Image result

 Ernest Hemmingway

Image result for amy winehouse images

Amy Winehouse

Image result

Catherine Zeta-Jones

References

https://giphy.com/explore/bipolar-happiness

https://giphy.com/search/bipolar-road-rage

https://giphy.com/search/bipolar-laptop-rage

https://giphy.com/search/bipolar-psychotic

https://giphy.com/explore/carrie-fisher

https://www.google.com/search?q=Delonte+West&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=_fzgt2CwnGrgkM%253A%252Ct5xKnBBdP5bTyM%252C_&usg=__jESq5PPSCwbeka_oCHX0dBxWZ1o%3D&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiVrJSQh9jZAhWGxFkKHW3LAJoQ_h0I7AEwEQ#imgrc=_fzgt2CwnGrgkM:

https://giphy.com/search/bipolar

https://www.google.com/search?q=&tbm=isch&tbs=rimg:Cep_1D9-Ej6-LIjh7fxmsqxxWfC2wUdq4qofVYLDEtaus8C934AWJvTAe4JggZEf0nKDlGZKTlyRnSgMpk9KoabNmnCoSCXt_1GayrHFZ8EaCahbf-d0iJKhIJLbBR2riqh9UR_1v3tvg4Ge48qEglgsMS1q6zwLxGUuun4xIohuioSCXfgBYm9MB7gEROj0sdy1hOrKhIJmCBkR_1ScoOURONtQiD_1lizMqEgkZkpOXJGdKAxHJ1g1dSqn4nyoSCSmT0qhps2acEXlRqNrT4iFe&tbo=u&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwid7avYidjZAhVxT98KHT6PDacQ9C96BAgAEBw&biw=1242&bih=602&dpr=1.1

https://www.google.com/search?q=amy+winehouse+images&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjrzv2xitjZAhWMnFkKHWaxAmUQ7AkIQw&biw=1242&bih=602

https://www.google.com/search?q=&tbm=isch&tbs=rimg:CZzrilRRvssCIjjSpNBonKPzEbJPTq7yU9kLY4z9wc4vVSjLTj375rwcddAPdFPN1JhcH6_1kHr3txRQXiyZ8b4iTCSoSCdKk0Gico_1MREWZ4hnKMa1miKhIJsk9OrvJT2QsRM8gZ2URU0FQqEgljjP3Bzi9VKBEG8pT1ysNM_1ioSCctOPfvmvBx1ETbm4zCNRSp0KhIJ0A90U83UmFwRjTFyQ5259kcqEgkfr-Qeve3FFBETx1NYnkhJ1SoSCReLJnxviJMJEQlXlFLc60xJ&tbo=u&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjWpvrwjNjZAhUIPN8KHQWpChoQ9C96BAgAEBw&biw=1242&bih=602&dpr=1.1

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Unmotivated bipolar https://lifeconquering.org/unmotivated-bipolar/ Thu, 08 Feb 2018 21:05:55 +0000 https://lifeconquering.org/?p=1857 I love this pin with Snoopy from the Peanuts demonstrating unmotivated bipolar.  This pin I chose from Pinterest, is a perfect illustration explaining one of bipolar’s worst symptoms.  Lack of motivation. Unmotivated bipolar – what it looks like It never fails,...
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I love this pin with Snoopy from the Peanuts demonstrating unmotivated bipolar.  This pin I chose from Pinterest, is a perfect illustration explaining one of bipolar’s worst symptoms.  Lack of motivation.

Bipolar unmotivated

Unmotivated bipolar – what it looks like

It never fails, I get excited about a little project I want to accomplish, then somebody or something throws the brake release and I come to a dead stop.  You need to realize that people with this symptom feel horrible.  I mean dirt off a tin can in the sewer horrible.  The body is encased in concrete from head to toe.  It hurts to move.  Actually they can’t move in most situations.  All I ever want to do is stare at a wall or out the window for hours unending.  I want to cry.  I want to cut myself.  I want to cuss somebody out.  I want to hit a punching bag.

Decisions

At this juncture, I can either pick myself off the floor and fight tooth and nail against unmotivated bipolar.  Or I can just sit back like the beagle seen here.  Chillin’ out and waiting for the sun to rise on the horizon.  This too shall pass.  I have made both decisions.  I had my reasons.  But I have chosen to get on the couch and stare more times then I care to admit.

How can you help?

Yes, you can help.  I challenge you to be a proactive friend.  If your mentally ill co-worker is having motivation issues at work, then try out the following.

  1. Be a listening ear.  The last thing they want is someone yammering in their ear about kids, work, finances, blah-blah-blah.  Now I do not mean to paint bipolars as self-centered friends.  The truth of the matter, the majority of this world does not know how to talk to an unmotivated bipolar, or to someone with depression, or PTSD, or AD/HD, bipolar, schizophrenia.  You catch my drift?
  2. Do not draw attention to your friend.  They are already hurting enough.  If they want to do something, go to a quiet dinner or coffee shop or bookstore and enjoy each others company.
  3. Do not kid with them or scold them for not being productive.  Listen, we really do want to be productive.  Honestly.  The chemicals in our brain are working against us.
  4. Get a bead on your friend whether or not they want encouragement.  Usually, I just want to be left alone.
  5. Snoopy is correct when he says he is the victim.  When your brain chemistry is f*cked up like ours, It is like somebody has come in and flooded my brain with radiator fluid.  Just be a friend.

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Is bipolar an excuse for bad behavior? https://lifeconquering.org/bipolar-an-excuse-bad-behavior/ Wed, 07 Feb 2018 13:39:10 +0000 https://lifeconquering.org/?p=1841 The question above, “is bipolar an excuse for bad behavior?” obviously is a very tricky subject to nail down and dissect.  I know what you are thinking.  Am I qualified to speak with authority on this touchy topic?  Well…my diagnosis...
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The question above, “is bipolar an excuse for bad behavior?” obviously is a very tricky subject to nail down and dissect.  I know what you are thinking.  Am I qualified to speak with authority on this touchy topic?  Well…my diagnosis is bipolar 1 with psychotic features, ultra-rapid cycling and mixed episodes.  I also have AD/HD, generalized anxiety disorder and OCD.  For over three years now, I have been a freelance writer covering mental health.  Go ahead and judge for yourself at the end of this blog post whether I have the authority to speak on bad bipolar behavior.

Bipolar an excuse?

In my research, I was completely shocked at how far the door swung in one particular direction from so-called “fact based” organizations.

  1. “Mental Illness is not an Excuse to be an Asshole” Psychology Today
  2. “Stop Equating Mental Illness and Bad Behavior” National Association for Mental Illness Rhode Island
  3. “Is Mental Illness an Excuse for Bad Behavior?” HealthyPlace
  4. “Mental Illness or Personality Traits?: The Roots of “Bad” Behavior in Your Partner” PsychCentral
  5. “When is Mental Illness Just an Excuse for Bad Behavior” Kings River Life

In my experience as a bipolar 1 as well as having friends with or without a known mental illness, each mental illness publication listed here is stigmatizing the mental illness community except HealthyPlace.

The bad

During my travels with bipolar, I have done a whole slew of things that caused pain, embarrassment, loss of integrity and much more.  The one manic symptom that I go to is risky behavior.  Right smack dab in the middle of the mania, I am on a high like none other.  I can seriously sit here and say when I embarked on those risky behaviors, I was not in my right mind.

bipolar an excuse

bipolar an excuse

If you have ever felt depressed, you understand when I say “I was in a deep pit”.  “I could not get out of the pit.”  “No manner of encouragement of the sincerest interest could get me out.”  If you suffer from depression, you have been there when you were unable to speak at work; unable to focus on the dinner party you planned; so full of anxiety that you cannot leave your desk at work even to go to the breakroom

I have had mean thoughts.  The voices in my head have told me mean and hurtful things.  Somethings I have acted on while others just slipped out my left ear.  I have also had inappropriate thoughts and acted on them.  The risky behaviors were alluring and I did not mind participating.

The good

I know what you must be thinking.  She is just delusional and dead wrong about bipolar behavior.  The activities I mentioned are all just bad behavior therefor I must be a bad person.

But what you do not know about me is that those behaviors did not describe me some 25 years ago.  If you were to speak to anybody in my past (meaning eight-teen and younger), the people that I saw in school who were just acquaintances I knew back then would be more than surprised.  Shocked.  Dumbfounded.  Disbelieving.  Astonished.  Stunned.  Stupefied.  These behaviors did not describe the person I was in middle school and high school.

I believe the only person who knew me back then (at least what I dared to share) was my best friend from elementary school, Beth Patterson.

You see, before the bipolar picked up steam and started to show itself in public, I was quiet and shy.  Kept to myself.  Didn’t speak much.  Almost awkward in my own skin.  Felt inadequate.  Then the bipolar exploded into my life in my twenties (the good with the bad).

behavior an excuse

behavior an excuse

  1. From shy to loud. And I mean very loud.  When I laugh, people can hear me in the next county.
  2. From withdrawn to open. This was my catalyst in me meeting all the men I was eventually with.
  3. From not talkative to talking a bunch and VERY fast. One time I heard what I sounded like on my husband’s voicemail.  I was talking so fast that I was incomprehensible.  Sometimes I have no idea I am doing it.
  4. From awkward to self-assured.
  5. From inadequate to unstoppable.

bipolar an excuse

grace

So, is bipolar an excuse for bad behavior?

I believe if the person is actively in a bipolar episode and they act out and it is not their regular behavior, then yes.  If the person is outside a bipolar episode and is not being affected by previous episodes, then I don’t think so.

The bottom line is, there has to be grace for the bipolar person in order to answer the question “Is bipolar an excuse?” in the affirmative.  None of us are perfect.  We all have our faults.  Bipolar is a mood disorder.  However, that makes it sound like child’s play, doesn’t it?  It’s not.  It is a cobra ready to strike.

 

References

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/panic-life/201412/mental-illness-is-not-excuse-be-asshole

https://namirhodeisland.org/stop-equating-mental-illness-bad-behavior/

https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2012/07/is-mental-illness-excuse-bad-behavior/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/wellness/2011/05/mental-illness-or-personality-traits/

http://kingsriverlife.com/10/08/when-is-mental-illness-just-an-excuse-for-bad-behavior/

Going Further

https://lifeconquering.org/bipolar-1-episode/

https://lifeconquering.org/ultra-rapid-cycling-bipolar/

 

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Living with bipolar depression https://lifeconquering.org/living-with-bipolar-depression/ Wed, 10 Jan 2018 18:20:36 +0000 https://lifeconquering.org/?p=1745 Yes, I will admit I am experiencing bipolar depression.  A lot of things have been going on in my life which have contributed to a blah mood.  I have had some personal situations; a huge gap growing between me and...
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Yes, I will admit I am experiencing bipolar depression.  A lot of things have been going on in my life which have contributed to a blah mood.  I have had some personal situations; a huge gap growing between me and a very close friend; my Dachshund/Beagle mix is extremely sick; trips to the vet, food and medicine; pressure to put down my writing and get a part-time job.

bipolar depression

bipolar depression

Ultra-rapid cycling

The thing with my bipolar and bipolar depression, it rarely sticks around for more than several hours or a half a day.  I am lucky to have ultra-rapid cycling where my moods shift multiple times in a day or even an hour and, hold on!, minutes, too. There are people with bipolar 1 and 2 who have rapid cycling bipolar.  Their moods swings could be once every three months.  I personally have not met someone whose moods are at that frequency.

When I have the ultra-rapid cycling, it is a curse and a pleasure.  On one hand, you have the mania.  It could last for an hour.  Then the mood will switch gears to depression.  It is awful in one regard because I could have several hours or a couple days with the depression.  But this is rare.

For instance, I woke up too early to the numbers on the alarm clock reading 5:00 a.m.  Instead of sleeping until 6 when I was supposed to wake up, I decided to get up and exercise.  Well that didn’t happen because I needed to tend to Jake.  Once he was settled, I sat on the couch next to him and began to write.  I love writing in the early morning.  Everything is quiet and I can concentrate.

bipolar depression

bipolar depression

Let me break this down for you.  Awake before alarm = manic.  Exercise = manic.  Motivation faded away to exercise = depression.  Tending to Jake and sad because he isn’t getting any better = depression.  Creativity abounding for writing = Mania.  Overwhelmed with all I want and need to do with my writing = depression.  I literally felt a huge mood shift with each change.  Now you might say, “If I were in that same situation, I would feel the same way.”  You are partially correct.

You see, having bipolar means the moods that you experience when going through an episode are much more intense, the pain from the bipolar depression weights on you like a fire truck.  The excitement from the manic episode is Fourth of July and Christmas wrapped into one AND you feel you can conquer the world.  You have all the answers and can leap two tall buildings stacked end-to-end in one single bound.

A couple hours ago when I was riding high on the mania train, I told myself I could write five articles for five glossies today.  Yeah, right.  I know better than that.  Because, at the same time I was experiencing mixed episodes.

bipolar depression

bipolar depression

Mixed episodes

Also, there is the bipolar mixed episodes.  I had these for a while yesterday.  This is a horrible mood experience, in my opinion.  When I have mixed episodes, my mind is experiencing both mania and depression AT THE SAME TIME.  This is not a cup of tea.  It is a cup of Saracha sauce.

What ends up happening is the manic side of me will want to go shopping and spend beyond my limit.  Then the depressed side of me, sits on the couch and stares out the window with zero motivation to even watch TV or a movie.  This happens at the same time: the thrill of maxing out my credit cards is surging through my veins.

For me, when I experience mixed episodes, the depression usually wins.  Even though you might think the mania is stronger; and you’re partially right.   But compared to the deep dungeon of darkness, the bipolar depression comes ready to win.

When I have a mixed episode, I feel like I am trying to make a decision with two opposing forces pulling at my arms.  Sometimes I get this bizarre feeling in the middle of my chest.  It feels like I have been transplanted to the desert..  I often get to a point where I cannot decide between two things.  If it feels weird, it is a mixed episode.

bipolar depression

bipolar depression

No two bipolar depressions are alike

Your bipolar depression may look totally different from mine.  We each have different brain chemistry and different medicines.  There is never a cookie-cutter way out of depression.  Each depression episode will be different.  You know your own triggers which lead you to depression as well as what helps you get out of it.

Going further

https://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/guide/depression-symptoms#1

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mixed_affective_state

https://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/guide/rapid-cycling-bipolar-disorder#1

Bipolar Depression and Adult AD/HD

Ultra-rapid cycling bipolar – a day in the life

About Amy Pierce Romine

I am a freelance writerblogger along with speaker and social media consultant on topics regarding mental health My bipolar 1 with psychotic features, rapid cycling and mixed episodes remained unnoticed from my early childhood days through high school where I grew up in an alcoholic home.  I went completely manic in my twenties and did not have my first diagnosis and treatment until 2007.

Check us out on the web

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Bipolar Depression and Adult AD/HD https://lifeconquering.org/bipolar-depression-adult-ad-hd/ Mon, 08 Jan 2018 23:10:45 +0000 https://lifeconquering.org/?p=1737 Bipolar depression and Adult AD/HD can be difficult to deal with.  Bipolar Depression places you in a pool of uncertainty, lifelessness and apathy.  As I type this blog post,the enemy, lifelessness, is slowing my productivity to a snail’s pace.  I...
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Bipolar depression and Adult AD/HD can be difficult to deal with.  Bipolar Depression places you in a pool of uncertainty, lifelessness and apathy.  As I type this blog post,the enemy, lifelessness, is slowing my productivity to a snail’s pace.  I take turns typing something hopefully understandable and starring at the screen.  As for the Adult AD/HD, my focus is as steady as the wind.  Some days, I get absolutely nothing done because my attention to my projects are short lived.

Bipolar Depression

Have you ever experienced that sinking feeling between your esophagus and the pit of your stomach when you take a ride on a roller coaster?  That punch to the gut as the roller coaster descends at lighting speed from the apex of the crooked steel girders is what I usually feel when a bipolar depression moves in.

The extra fun I have with bipolar depression, is my psychotic episodes.  Usually I experience auditory hallucinations.  I hear people talking, male and female.  Radios play unidentifiable tunes that drive me batty.  Visual hallucinations are also common for me.  For instance, I will see people or my pets in places they shouldn’t be.   My favorite are the paranoid delusions.  I believe someone is out to get me, my heart beats out of my chest and I refuse to go upstairs.

Editorial Calendar

My plans today were laid out like a preschooler’s clothes on the first day of school.  Early this morning, I designed a “fool-proof” editoral calendar.  An editorial calendar is a calendar where an author plans either by the month, week, day or hour the writing projects he/she will work on at a given time.  The author might set word count goals for their book, blog post goals for the week, article topics to begin a rough draft or wrap up and even work on marketing.

Adult AD/HD

My editorial calendar was “fool-proof” because I had all my major projects listed even with time to read, research and study.  I should be able to look at the clock and say it is 11:00 a.m. on a Tuesday therefore, this is the time that I work on articles.  But my lovely AD/HD kicked in and I jumped from sending emails to Facebook to Linkedin to deleting batches of emails to checking Google Analytics to writing a blog to adding things to my blog site.

As soon as I (you think I’ll say “got bored”) I jumped to the next shiny object.  That isn’t the case for me and my Adult AD/HD.  I have difficulty staying focused for a long period of time.  Just yesterday evening my husband was talking to me about one of his hobbies.  I did find it interesting.  But as he talked on, my focus was slipping.

When this happens, I feel helpless to put blinders around my eyes and sharpen my focus.  I’ve been at a desk job working on a document and have the humongous need to stop and do something else.  My boss didn’t allow for that.  He wanted me to start a task and carry it out to completion.  That is not how I operate.

Winning the battle with bipolar depression and adult AD/HD

Some symptoms I can feel at the very beginning and thus able to manage myself against the harsh effects of bipolar depression and adult AD/HD.  For instance, today I felt that sinking feeling which always means a slide down, down, down.  I was able to catch the bipolar depression at the beginning and start practicing coping mechanisms to get through the episode.

Adult AD/HD is completely different.  I do not see that one coming at all.  It hits me over the head and I’m smack dab in the middle of it before I know it.  But, that is okay.  I have to learn to slow my motor down and pick one thing that I want to focus on for the next period of time.  Notice, I did not even put myself in a box by designating how long it should take me to complete my writing task.  I am learning that my life has to be open ended in order for me to cope with my bipolar disorder.  That is a BIG change for me since in my younger days I was  Ms. Control Freak.  I am glad I am no longer her and I’m relatively more relaxed.

Going Further

https://lifeconquering.org/category/adhd-in-adults/

Depression Valleys Light Up with Faith

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