The Power of Bipolar against Resilience


The power of bipolar is strong, enduring and leaves a lot of carnage in its wake.  Where I left you last, I had been experiencing mania.  Sleeping less and less, jolted with energy and some irritability to the point of ripping someone’s face off.  Since then, I have been battling more depression than mania; however, both are present.  This past weekend I was really feeling down.  The depression hung over me like a wet woolen blanket.  I didn’t want to write.  I didn’t want to be around anybody.  I texted a good friend, “I am depressed.  I want to eat my weight in chocolate.”  I was fixated on food and chocolate.  Both have been my source of comfort when I needed to feel loved.

There were some trying times during the weekend, too.  I was determined not to let the power of bipolar win.  Usually there is not as much drama in my life.  We work extremely hard to stay away from it.  But, my patience and my resilience was tested.  Having major mood swings and going through a trying time is like surfing with an elephant on top of your head.  Nearly impossible.  So I prayed…HARD…issolating each issue in a separate box.  Doing that helped me to see and handle each issue one at a time.

I am so thankful for my relationship with Jesus Christ.  Reaching out to Him for help and comfort instead of chocolate proved that I did not have to go to a God-substitute when I have uncontrolable mood swings and trying personal issues.

The power of bipolar is very strong.  It has taken me places where I am still shocked that I experienced.  Bipolar also takes me so deep into the pit where no light shines and I am on the verge of suicide.  This power of bipolar can destroy a person.  I am not destroyed.  I am still here.  My bipolar has actually brought me closer to Jesus tthan I ever was.

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Do you have a story where you were dealing with an illness and a trying situation?  If you do, I would love for you to share it with me.

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