I know I have not been posting on a regular basis lately.  I love to write, but sometimes the bipolar numbs the desire to.  I cannot just pull out my laptop, fire it up and the minute my fingertips hit the keys, the words magically flow onto the screen.  I’m not Stephen King or Nicholas Sparks, you know.  Let’s face reality, shall we?  Having wonderful words to magically appear on the computer monitor which clearly gets your point across, doesn’t work that way.  When I am in that bipolar state of mind, the world looks very different and my reaction to the world is way off.  Therefore my writing can be really fudged up.

The Creator and the Critic

When I write a blog or just a few lines to share, it takes a lot of effort.  I do not have someone proof reading my work, so I have to be the creator and the critic.  That can be difficult sometimes.  It is my work and I do not want to come to terms that my writing skills are not as sharp as they used to be.  I make a lot of mistakes.  Just now I wrote difficulty instead of diffcult.  Stuff like that comes up a lot – more than what I was used to in the past.

I wish my love for writing was equal to my capability to write.  Then I could write all the time and post every day.

A New Body in Heaven

I know one thing, when I get to Heaven and I am given my new body, I will have shed the bipolar like a snake sheds its skin.  No more cycling, no more rapid thoughts, no more inability to focus.  For now, I carry on with my Best Friend Jesus at my side.

Email Me

Do you have something here on Earth that you can’t wait to get rid of once you get to Heaven?  What would it mean to you to no longer have diabetes, be blind, have a speech impedement, have an addiction, feel lost, hurt, lonely, sad, angry, unforgiven?  I would love to hear you thoughts.  Email me at [email protected].

Going Further

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/bipolar-disorder/index.shtml

http://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/heaven-bible-verses/

http://store.epm.org/product/heaven– This is the site about Randy Alcorn’s book, Heaven.  It is a really good book.  I have read the book and did the Bible study.

The post Bipolar State-of-Mind appeared first on Life Conquering Bipolar Blog.

After a week of little sleep, today I slept in past 11 a.m.  I also took a nap that lasted for more than an hour.  This must have been my catch-up day on sleep since I had been experiencing insomnia earlier in the week.

Zzzzzzzz

Right now, I do not want to go to sleep. I am keeping myself busy so I don’t fall asleep on the couch and start snoring.  My snoring really irritates my husband.  But I would have to admit, I am enjoying the extra time during the day.  This insomnia has also taught me that I can do things like write late at night.  Before, it was shut-eye at 9:30 p.m.

I did have an aweful habit of falling asleep on the couch sometimes before 9 o’clock.  I believe the factor that kept me falling asleep early night after night, was doing nothing when I came home.  I am not a huge TV fan.  My husband on the other hand likes to watch it as a way to unwind.  We have over 400 movies so we have like our own Netfix.  The only difference is we do not have to pay or send the movies back.  Just push play.

The movie is playing in the background, the lights are turned down low and I am stretched out on our couch.  This smells of a recipe of sleep and sawing logs.  Ever since this sleepless week started, I have been busy writing.  I even excersised at night which I never do because “I am too tired.”

Paranoid Delusions

With the psychotic piece of my diagnosis, I have crazy delusions and parinoid thinking.  Right now, I believe there is a demonic clown under my bed and Russian spies with guns drawn hiding out in my closet.  I think part of what is propelling the insomnia is my paranoid delusions.  My irrational beliefs are keeping me from going to bed.

Insomnia makes a great Teacher

What I have learned from this insomnia is 1) I still need my sleep 2) it is important that I get enough sleep and 3) staying active at night will keep me from sleeping on the couch and catching up on my zzzzzzzzzzzz.

Going Further

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/insomnia/home/ovc-20256955

The post Insomnia: The Search for the Cure appeared first on Life Conquering Bipolar Blog.

Perks of Insomnia

I have realized there are a lot of benefits to staying awake all hours of the night.  I am loving the creativity and the energy that has come along for the ride.  I know I should call my psychiatrist and tell him about the insomnia and the other symptoms I am having.  But I do not want to leave insomnia land.

I am sure you have had insomnia at least once in your life.  You may be experiencing it right now along with me.  There are plenty of things I have done with this extra awake time.

What to do during your Insomnia

1. You can do the things you don’t normally have time for.  Iron some shirts, do a devotion, start a journal, finish a project, start a project, get a bubble bath or you could organize your closet.  You get the idea.
2. Watch some good movies and relax.
3. Start a Facebook. page on something you feel passionate about.
4. Or you could start a blog on a topic you are well versed in.
5. Catch up on your birthday cards for the year.

There are all kinds of ways to keep yourself busy while awake as well as things to help you go to sleep.

Help you go to Sleep

1. Turn off all social media distractions.
2. Get a warm shower or bath.
3. Read.
4. Meditate.
5. Do a devotional.
6. Avoid cafeine late in the day.

Whether you want to fight the insomnia or join it while it lasts and try to gain some benfits, keep track of how long this is happening.  After several weeks with your sleep interrupted, you should consult a medical professional.

Going Further

https://sleepfoundation.org/insomnia/content/what-causes-insomnia

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/insomnia/home/ovc-20256955

The post In the Land of Insomnia appeared first on Life Conquering Bipolar Blog.

1. Words in your head which includes doubts, such as “what if…?” “did I…?” “was that…?”

1. I have had such doubts. I would think “what if the tire came off the car while driving on the expressway?” or “what if the spot on my arm is cancer?” “did I turn off the stove? (as I am driving to work, even though I had not used the stove all week for breakfast).

• Images like a sudden picture in your mind

1. One of my first obsessions was an image of a sharp object being rammed into my eye. I would be in the shower, at church, at work, anywhere and this image would pop up in my mind.

• Impulses or sudden urges to do something

A. I want to slam my hand on the restroom stall door, scarring the sh@$ out of whoever is in the stall. I want to drive my car like a bumper car and hit all the cars around me. Of course, my car would not have a scratch.

Obsessions intrude abruptly into my mind which are unwanted, inappropriate and upsetting. Once an obsession occurs, it steals away my attention and I am hard pressed to think about anything else. I might be able to save my mind from the current obsession, but the relief is only temporary because more are on their way. The thing with obsessions is that it involves thoughts and ideas that are inconsistent with my personality, moral values, ideals and goals.

We often hear “obsession” described as a passion, enthusiasm, or preoccupation with something such as a hobby, celebrity or a romantic partner. The word obsession I am using is not a passion, enthusiasm or preoccupation. Instead, it refers to unwanted, unwelcome, recurring thoughts that happen against my will and the obsessions are about unpleasant topics. When my obsessive thoughts take up more than an hour over the course of a day and/or compulsive acts take up more than an hour over the course of a day, it is considered to be obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Here are some websites with more information on OCD.

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/index.shtml

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/home/ovc-20245947

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We have had our ups and downs like all friendships. But I have been able to share the junk that comes along with a bipolar diagnosis without her judging me, criticizing me, making me feel like a child, ignoring what I say or even forgetting what I said. She is a dear, sweet friend that I hope I will have the privilege of cherishing for a long time. I have a lot to learn from her about life and love and friendship. I just hope I can be a good student.

If you remember two weeks ago, or if you weren’t here two weeks ago, look back on October 13, 2016, I had suicidal ideations. That day I reached out to my psychologist and my sweet, sweet friend of whom I have been writing about. Even though she was at work, stressed and over-worked, she took time out to text me and read my crazy texts. I am forever grateful for her presence in my life that day.

If you do not have a friend with whom will walk you through the valley of depression and into the bowels of suicide ideation, I encourage you to begin looking for one. It can be an old high school friend, girlfriend or boyfriend, spouse, parent, sibling, other family member, co-worker, someone you met at the gym, someone from church or just a friend.

If you are not already attending a support group, I would encourage you to go. Whenever my social anxiety allows me to go to group, I feel much better after attending. I learn so much from the many diverse people there. We are all the same, yet so very different it is beautiful.

If you have difficulty getting out of your comfort zone because of anxiety or negative thoughts, try the following. I have used them and they have helped me.

1. Deep controlled breathing. This helps me to focus on the breathing instead of my racing negative thoughts or frazzled nerves.
2. Self-hypnosis. This does the same thing as the breathing except, it takes you to another place.
3. Meditate. You can meditate on words, phrases, quotes, scripture or music lyrics. Sometimes I meditate on the music itself. I listen to a lot of classical music. I feel like I am floating on the notes in the air. Plus it brings back wonderful memories of a time when I was a musician.
4. Pray. I use prayer a lot. I do not believe you have to have a Ph.D. in Divinity to pray to God. I simply speak to him what is on my mind. “I need a friend. Help me get past my comfort zone.”

If you do not have a friend who will walk to hell and back with you, get out of your comfort zone and go look for one. It is so critical for your life! I doubt Santa Claus is going to stuff a friend in your stocking this Christmas.

Below are some websites to further help you in your quest.

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wellness_support_groups

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=peer_chapters_support_groups

http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/mental-health-social-anxiety-disorder

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/

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