The rage inside a person with bipolar can be absolutely out-of-control. Bipolar rage can be set off with just a small trigger. Once the rage has been set in motion, it usually leaves behind in its wake broken relationships, hurt and confused feelings and maybe even holes in the wall, shattered glass and papers scattered.
The History of my Rage
I was talking on the phone with the flavor of the month back in my 20’s. Evidently, I disagreed with something he said. Next I put down the phone, opened my mouth to scream as loud as I could. My hand found my accent pillow on my couch and suffocated myself with it. My screams were loud and muffled through the pillow so my neighbors could not hear.
An incident with another boyfriend ended in a hole in my muffler. I got angry (and that is putting it mildly), jumped in my car, pulled out of his driveway and mashed down my gas pedal. It was a 1996 Mercury Tracer with only four-cylinders. Needless to say, I was not getting anywhere in a hurry.
Back before I was diagnosed, raging was an ongoing thing for me. At that time, I lacked the ability to control it. Since those days, I work really hard not to go into a bipolar rage. I am happy to say that spiritual self-control has kept me from raging all these years.
Tonight, I broke the rage-free streak. I felt like a tornado tearing up a mobile home park. The words shot easily from my mouth. My voice was very loud, I was focused on my tirade and my blood pressure was climbing.
After I was finished, I was exhausted. But my adrenaline was pumping. I hate to admit it, but it felt good to let the rage out. Now, I have to work extra hard to keep it under control.
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