Bipolar Disorder Symptoms: Ideations, Hallucinations and a BIG Decision

bipolar disorder symptoms

Bipolar Disorder Symptoms

Bipolar disorder symptoms can vary from person to person.  Just because you saw the movie Silver Linings Play Book where Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper act as though they have bipolar disorder, doesn’t mean that all bipolars behave the same way.  I have OCD tendencies like Bradley Cooper’s character as well as the extreme risk taking behaviors in Jennifer Lawrence’s character.

As I grow older and live more days with this diagnosis, I see it morph in front of me.  One day I might pop up and feel my tendency toward  ADHD to be stronger than the next day.  Or it could be mixed episodes rising up to battle.  My bipolar disorder symptoms are like the tides of the ocean: in some ways predictable and in other ways in the case of a tsunami, so completely out of control.  For the doctor’s who couldn’t see the forest for the trees and did not believe I had bipolar 1 or even a mental illness as well as anybody else, continue to read on and discover more about some the symptoms of bipolar disorder I DO have.

Bipolar Ideations

I have had some crazy two weeks!  The first week, my bipolar was off the chain. For one, I was having some scary ideations. I have had suicidal ideations before and got through them alive – obviously.  But I have never had these thoughts that were flooding my mind for a few days.  These thoughts scared me enough to want to reach out.

Hallucinations in Bipolar

At the same time, my auditory hallucinations were amped up so much that I was hearing things more than usual.  Normally, I hear music or voices multiple times every day running around between my two ears.  This particular week, I was having auditory hallucinations practically all day.  The voices could be male, could be female.  I have heard my name called on more than one occasion when there was no one there.  I have heard my husband’s voice coming up the stairs when he was actually about 2.5 miles away from home.  My mind was so full of just noise that I could not think.

Reaching Out for Help

I texted my psychologist who called me as soon as he read the text.  He encouraged me to call my psychiatrist.  I didn’t want to call my doctor at first, but I knew that was what I needed to do for my mental health.

My psychiatrist said I needed to go to the hospital.  My heart sank in my chest.  I have never been to the hospital for my mental issues.  In my 20’s before I was diagnosed, there were a bunch of times where I probably should have checked myself into a mental hospital.

In the end, I refused to go.  I was told by a friend who shares in my same hell that my psychiatrist might have an obligation to call the authorities since I refused help and was a danger to myself and others.  She said the police could show up at my house.  That never happened.  I left early from work and took off the rest of the week.  Being off from work and having an adjustment in my meds made a big difference

The Big Decision

My job is pretty stressful working for an attorney.  Like most attorneys, he is not the cute and cuddly type.  I used the time I took off for my crazy bipolar disorder symptoms to analyze my working situation and my level of stress.  In the end, I gave my notice on that Friday of the same week.

I have felt such a weight lifted from my shoulders from quitting my job.  Even though I am still working there for the next few weeks to help train my replacement, I am walking around lighter than air.

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Going Further

Bipolar Psychosis

The Power of Bipolar against Resilience

Rapid Cycling Bipolar and Prayer