A Much Needed Break
The mania, depression has given me a break…for now. Yes, there are times when I feel “normal”. Feeling normal is not the norm for me. For most bipolars, he/she experiences one or two cycles a year. The maanic episodes usually occur in the spring or fall.
I have bipolar 1 which is difficult to treat. When I do feel normal, I know that it is a fleeting moment. For instance, when I got up this morning I felt great. I had energy to exercise. I did not take a shower because it would take too much energy. A couple hours later, I felt energized. The creativity was blossoming/ Later in the morning I was irritated. Now, I can take a long nap. Sometime during those up and down moods, I felt somewhat normal, more even keel.
I am going to discuss how mania and depression look to me. If you were to speak to another bipolar 1 they could give your something different. My bipolar 1 looked a lot different in my 20’s than it does right now. My bipolar would have me trolling Yahoo Personals for men and driving here and yonder in the attempt to hook up with a different man every night. Bipolar 1 is different for each person.
At this stage of my bipolar 1, I experience both the mania and depression. For me, it is not as if the depression hangs around for a couple of days or weeks. Nor do I ride the highs of mania just for a weekend shopping spree. My flavor of bipolar 1 intermingles the mania and depression. I have what are called mixed episodes and rapid cycling.
Mixed episodes are where I will have the dark moods of depression occurring at the same time as the exciting highs of mania. I will never forget the first time I felt this. I was still employed at a law firm. I was sitting at my desk when this warm sensation started from my toes and bubbled up to the top of my head. At the same time, I felt my body being gradually ripped apart. Imagine having the explosive feeling like you can do 100 things at the same time. Combine that with the paralyzing feeling of a dark depression where you cannot hardly move.
Then there is rapid cycling where I have gone from having a manic high as a kite to a six-foot-under-the-ground depression. Each mood can last for a few seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months before cycling to the next. The most memorable experience I had with rapid cycling was when I was riding in the truck with my husband on a Saturday around lunch time. I was talking rapidly about something obscure when I began laughing hysterically, then crying uncontrollably to laughing to crying. This cycle lasted for about a minute. I was exhausted. He was amazed. Most of the rapid cycles I have now last longer than a few seconds. My cycles are more in the hour range.
Mania, Depression = Courage
So whether you have just depression or bipolar or mixed or cycling, depression and mania are not for the weak at heart. It takes courage to walk this life and put up with these mood disorders at the same time.
Mental Health Questions
Have you had depression, mania, rapid cycling or mixed episodes? If yes, please describe.
Do you know anybody who has experienced these mood changes? What was it like for them and you?
Do you know what to do when you or someone like your son or daughter have these mood swings? Next blog I will have more information on this.
Please comment about the above questions in the space below. I would love to hear about your experiences.
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