Anger Flare-ups at Home –  How to Control Your Anger and Talk to Your Kids

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Laying the Foundation of Anger

Things are very different with the world – technology and parenting, for instance, since 40 years ago when I was first born.  Anger was most certainly on the planet then and has not left since.  Parents now and back then often used yelling like it was their kids’ second language.  There is research indicating yelling at children harms them and you too.

When you yell, you feel awful, your kids feel awful and the bonds of love get broken down.  There is also proof that a relationship which brakes in childhood are much harder to mend.

Attempting to parent without yelling seems like a huge hurdle to jump over.  This is particularly the case when yelling seems the perfect way to get kids attention.  But I believe there are some strategies to get your kids to listen without yelling.

Involve kids in decision making

Teaching the art of decision making creates autonomy.  It is also a way of reducing parental stress.

There is evidence that shows when a child participates in decision-making, the child responds better when they feel their opinion counts.

Move closer

When you yell, you are usually standing away from your child like in the next room or down the hall.  You will get results when you move closer.  It is also hard to yell when you are close to your child.

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Move Closer to Your Child

Connect and talk with them not at them

You have heard the old saying “you will catch more flies with honey”?  You can apply this to communicating with your kids.  Get down to their eye level; touch them in a loving way while talking to them; use a calm voice.

Put yourself in your kid’s shoes

When we are angry, tired and stressed or just watching our favorite T.V. show, it is difficult to see eye to eye with your child.  But if you see the situation from their perspective, you will be made to yell less.  Then you will get the results you want.

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Try Understanding Your Child

Say what you mean and mean what you say

Enough said.

You really need to get serious about putting a stop to yelling

You have probably created a yelling habit.  Put Post-It notes everywhere reminding you that you are in a NO YELLING ZONE.  Have a saying: “I will not yell today”.

Yelling will get you results, but not necessarily the ones you want.

Comments

Leave a comment about your tactics on not yelling at your kid.  Share with us how things are different in your house without yelling.  You can email me, too at lifeconquering@gmail.com.

Going Further

https://www.aamft.org/iMIS15/AAMFT/Content/consumer_updates/Effect_of_Anger_on_Families.aspx

https://www.sharecare.com/health/anger-management/anger-control-problems-run-families

http://lifeconquering.org/anger/

http://www.psychguides.com/guides/how-to-find-help-treating-an-anger-management-problem/